LinkedIn: the social network where humblebrags reign supreme, everyone’s a “thought leader,” and words like “synergy” and “impactful” are thrown around with reckless abandon. While it’s a great platform for networking and finding opportunities, let’s be honest—sometimes the pretentiousness can be a bit much.
If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at someone’s “disruptive pivot to actionable paradigms” or wondered why everyone’s a “guru” now, this guide is for you. Here’s how to survive (and maybe even enjoy) LinkedIn without losing your sanity.
1. Translate the Corporate-Speak
LinkedIn posts often sound like they were written by a robot that swallowed a thesaurus. Here’s how to decode the jargon:
- “I’m humbled to announce…” = I’ve been dying to tell you this for weeks.
- “Thought leadership” = I posted a hot take that went viral once.
- “Passionate about leveraging synergies” = I like teamwork… I guess?
- “Just wanted to share some thoughts…” = Brace yourself for a 27-paragraph essay.
Pro Tip: Treat every post like a game of LinkedIn Bingo. Score extra points for words like “innovative,” “disruptive,” or “game-changer.”
2. Recognize the Humble in Humblebrag
Some LinkedIn users have mastered the art of making their bragging sound like a life lesson. For example:
- “After 16 sleepless nights, 72 cups of coffee, and sacrificing my pet goldfish’s birthday party, I’m thrilled to announce I closed a $10 million deal. Hard work pays off!”
- Translation: I’m amazing. Please applaud me.
How to Handle It: Reply with, “Congrats! How’s the goldfish doing?” Keep it light, and they’ll never know if you’re serious or subtly trolling.
3. Beware of the Overachiever’s Timeline
There’s always that one person who starts their post with:
- “At 7 AM, I ran a half marathon. At 9 AM, I gave a TED Talk. By noon, I restructured an entire Fortune 500 company’s supply chain. What’s YOUR morning routine?”
- Answer: “I hit snooze three times and ate cold pizza. Thanks for asking!”
4. Survive the “Open to Work” Flexes
We love seeing people land new gigs, but some announcements come with a lot of flair.
- “I’ve accepted an opportunity to disrupt the [insert industry] space with [insert company]! Excited to create scalable solutions that transform [insert buzzword].”
- Translation: I got a job, and I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing yet.
Pro Tip: Comment, “Congrats! When can we expect your first thought leadership post?”
5. Handle “Inspirational” Posts with Grace
LinkedIn loves a good rags-to-riches tale, even if the story is… questionable.
- “I started with nothing but a dream and a broken laptop. Now I own three startups and drive a Tesla. #GrindNeverStops”
- Translation: I was always doing fine; I just wanted a dramatic intro.
Your Move: Counter with your own story: “I too started with a broken laptop, but now I just have a newer broken laptop. #Relatable”
6. Survive the “Comment Bait” Posts
Ever seen a post like this?
- “Only 1% of people will answer this question: What’s your favorite type of synergy?”
- Translation: I need engagement to feel validated.
How to Respond: Leave a completely unrelated comment like, “The weather’s been wild lately, hasn’t it?” Let the algorithm do the rest.
7. Outsmart the Buzzword Brigade
When someone uses phrases like “future-proofing strategies” or “disrupting verticals,” don’t feel intimidated.
- Instead, reply with your own made-up jargon: “That’s great, but have you considered hyper-leveraging post-quantum synergies?”
- They’ll either laugh or invite you to a webinar. Win-win.
8. Laugh at the “Thank You, Me” Posts
Every so often, someone posts something along the lines of:
- “Today, I want to thank myself for believing in my dreams, for working 25 hours a day, and for being an overall legend. I couldn’t have done it without me.”
- Translation: My therapist told me to practice self-love, and I took it literally.
Your Response: “I’d like to thank myself for reading this post. It was hard, but I persevered.”
9. Resist the Urge to Take It Too Seriously
At the end of the day, LinkedIn is just a platform where people are trying to network, share wins, and yes, occasionally overshare. Pretentiousness can be annoying, but it’s also a source of endless entertainment if you approach it with humor.
Your Survival Kit:
- A dash of sarcasm.
- A healthy scroll limit.
- And the reminder that not every post needs your engagement.
Final Thoughts: Laugh, Don’t Rage
LinkedIn can feel like a sea of buzzwords, bragging, and inspirational fluff, but it’s also a place to connect and learn (in between eye-rolls). Instead of letting the pretentiousness get to you, lean into the absurdity, keep it lighthearted, and maybe even enjoy the ride.
What’s the most hilariously pretentious thing you’ve seen on LinkedIn? Share it in the comments—just don’t tag the person who posted it.
Scarlett Darbyshire 